Final Fantasy III vs. Final Fantasy VII: The Ultimate Fate

Terra enters the Cafe and sees the whole FFIII group sitting at a table.

Terra: Hi guys... what's happening!?
Edgar: (is laying face down in a pool of his own vomit. He slowly lifts his head) We're drinking ourselves to death.
Terra: Eww... what's wrong!? Did someone die!?
Setzer: No... but it's almost like that. We've been replaced.
Terra: Huh!?
Setzer: Don't you get it!? Those stupid Final Fantasy VII characters are the new craze. We're just something of the past.
Celes: (crying) We're doomed! We 16 bit characters have no chance against them!!
Terra: Lighten up guys... we'll never be forgotten. We're too cool.
Cyan: (sarcastically) Sure... just like those poor FFII guys were never forgotten. Puh!
Celes: (wailing) Waahh! Do you remember what they did to the FFII people, Terra!!?
Terra: (shakes her head) No...
Celes: THEY PUT THEM IN A KENNEL... then, then... PUT THEM TO SLEEP!!! Waaaah!
Edgar: Yes... then they made luggage out of their hides.
Shadow: ...Oh yah! I remember! I bought the Cecil-LX addition luggage set. Very sturdy and reliable.
Terra: They did that!? (gasps) What are we going to do!? I don't want to be luggage!!
Kefka: (suddenly enters the room) Hi cry babies!! You still all worried about those FFVII guys!? Mwa ha!
Sabin: Why are you so happy Kefka?
Kefka: Mwa ha, why should I be sad!? I'm the best bad guy ever! No villain in that game can live up to my standards.
Relm: SHUT UP, CLOWN BREATH!!! Your a looser!
Kefka: HA! You just say that because your in denial... besides I know I'm the best, I've got a cool theme song and an annoying laugh!

Suddenly they all hear a loud noise outside. They all race to the window and watch as a giant metallic airship lands on top of the Falcon crushing it.

Setzer: MY SHIP!!!

A group of people get out of the monstrous ship and look at the rubble they landed on.

Cid: What's this piece of shit!?
Cait Sith: LOOK! A STARBUCKS!!! Come on guys lets get a Café Latte and talk about inane things!!
Cid: I'm not going to that damn shack!
Yuffie: (Jumps up and down) I want coffee! Coffee! COFFEE!
Barret: Oh no you don't! You know what caffeine does to you!
Yuffie: (Runs around in circles) Hyper! Hyper! Coffee! CAFFEINE!!!
Cloud: Someone shut her up..!
Tifa: Lets just go in... okay?

Inside the cafe the FFIII people are cowering in a corner huddled and whimpering like puppies. The FFVII characters enter. Cait Sith and Yuffie race up to the counter.

Cait Sith: (Shoves Yuffie) I got here first!
Yuffie: (Punches Cait Sith) NO! I was first! ME ME ME!!!!

As the two are quarreling Vincent ambles up to the register.

Vincent: Ahem... one milk.
Cid: (Laughs hysterically) HA! A milk! What a baby!!!! HA HA! Baby wants milk! Baby Vincent needs a bottle!!
Vincent: .....
Aeris: Hey! Look guys!!! (She points at the pitiful shivering group crowded creatures)

Everyone freezes and stares blankly at each other.

Aeris: (bends down and puts out her hand and speaks in a high soothing voice) Come here... come on. I wont hurt you guys.

Slowly Locke saunters out of the cluster on all fours quivering.

Aeris: Shhh... come here little guy. (she slowly reaches her hand out further and gently pats him on the head) See... it's okay.
Yuffie: (Pulls at Barret's arm) I want one, I want one!
Barret: NO! You killed your last human pet!
Yuffie: I didn't know that Draino would kill it!

Suddenly Kefka stands up.

Kefka: (puts hands on hips) Mwa ha ha! So your the FFVII guys!! Ha what losers! I can take all of you. Come on... give me you best shot!
Cid: (Looks at Kefka and blinks) What the f**k is that thing!?
Kefka: (Annoyed) grrrr.... I'm the best villain of all time!!!!
Cid: HA! Give me a break! YOU!? ....a clown is the best bad-guy ever!? HA HA! Don't make me laugh!
Kefka: (Almost ready to cry) I'm the ...best.
Cid: Your so ugly that they filmed "Gorilla’s in the Mist" in your shower!!!
Kefka: (Holding back tears) I'm .....the...... b..e.s....t.
Red XIII: I think he's crying?
Cid: What a wuss! What a little shrimp! You short baby munchkin! Your so small that you could hang glide on a damn Dorrito!

Kefka runs out of the room crying. Suddenly he comes running back in screaming. Sephiroth enters the room with his Masamune drawn.

Sephy: Aha! I've finally found you guys! (points sword at the Avalanche group) Now you will all die!
Red XIII: Hey... ahem, Sephiroth-san? Um...
Sephy: (lowers his sword) Huh!?
Red XIII: Um... that guy over there (motions towards Kefka) ..um, thinks he's a better bad-guy than yourself.
Kefka: ... (a giant sweat drop rolls down his head)
Sephy: (raises the Masamune up tp Kefka's throat) Who... or WHAT are you?
Kefka: I....a..m ...the.... b.b...be..st.

The FFVII characters tip-toe to the exit. Sephiroth sees them out of the cornor of his eye.

Spehy: HEY! This is some kind of folly! So you Avalanche guys think you had me with this decoy (points at Kefka). Well, it seems as if you underestimated me.

Sephiroth slaughters all the FFIII characters with a single swipe of his blade....

Sephy: (To FFVII people) And now you....
Cloud: WAIT! I have an idea Seph.. how about we stop trying to kill eachother for one day and go to Hawaii for a break. (holds out hand)
Sephy: Hmmm.... (ponders) ...fine (shakes hands) but only for today! Then I go back to my evil ways!
Everyone: DEAL!

On a sunny beach in Hawaii everyone is languishing in the sun.

Cait Sith: (sighs) This is the life...
Red XIII: Agreed.. Wait, why won't Vincent change into his swimsuit!?
Cid: (laughs) He's to embarrassed to show off his white-ass legs!
Vincent: TAKE THAT BACK!!

Cid and Vincent start fighting.

Sephiroth: (Lifts up his sunglasses) Hey! Yuffie! Get me some sun tan lotion out of my suitcase!
Yuffie: Okay! (runs over to the suitcase... she reads the label: "Kefka-LX addition")

THE END....?.