A Day in Shin-Ra

In the small bar in Midgar City No. 7 Cloud and Tifa were sacked out on the couch watching the big screen TV. The TV droned, "Next up on Midgar’s Super Channel… The Dukes of Hazard Marathon! 16 hours of pure viewing satisfaction!"

"Urk! Change the channel, Cloud!" Tifa moaned.

Cloud slowly picked up the remote control when suddenly Cid’s ear pricing whine could be heard from up stairs. "NO! Don’t you dare turn channels!" A platform with a pinball machine came buzzing down. Cid stood on the landing with his trademark cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. "You all know that I LOVE The Dukes of Hazard!"

"Get real! Nobody likes that godforsaken show!" Cloud said switching channels.

"Damn you!" Cid grabbed Cloud by the collar. "Shithead! Change back now!!!"

"Shut up Cid! Look." Tifa pointed to the screen.

Cid slowly let go of Cloud and they all stared at the TV. The Shin-Ra logo flashed on the screen and then disappeared to reveal Reno, smiling decisively.

"Huh!? What is that weasel doing on TV?" Cid said.

"Hello and welcome friendly citizens of the beautiful city of Midgar." Reno began. "Rufus finally let me touch the TV equipment and is allowing me to bring to you LIVE a complete tour of the Shin-Ra building and staff. Rufus feels that you, the people of Midgar, should know more about the people that have complete domination and control over you. And so here I am.. at your service."

Suddenly the image on the screen shakes and an image of white linoleum and black shoes appear.

"Damn it Rude! Don’t drop the freaking camera! Rufus will kick my ass if you break that!"

"Sorry, Mr. Perfect! It only weights a ton." Rude mumbled as he picked up the camera.

"Heh heh…" A giant sweat drop roles down his head. "Anyway.. lets get started. As you all should know I am Reno … the leader of the Turks… and---"

"Your not the leader." Rude stated

"Fine then!" Reno folded his arms and looked away. "Now just shut up.. your supposed to be the camera man… don’t say anything." Reno cleared his throat. "Ahem… I’m not the leader.. I’m just one of the Turks. And the *looser* holding the camera is my partner, the ..bald.. Rude."

"What!? I heard that Reno!! I’m not bald! I shave my head! I want it this way!!"

"Sure.. that’s what you want them to belive."

"Whatever Reno… The chicks dig the baldness. Besides, at least I can *get* a date. Unlike a certain someone I know."

"What!!? I can get a girlfriend!"

"When was the last time you had a date… RENO!?"

Reno’s eyes fill with fire. "SHUT UP!! Don’t tell the world about my love life!!"

Rude mumbles under his breath. "What love life..?" Then smiles friendly at Reno. "Um, sure buddy."

Reno grumbles. "Anyway……. lets continue. The room next to me is the *lovely* Elena’s quarters. Lets see if she is in.."

Reno opens the door and Elena is in the middle of dressing. She lets out a blood curdling scream and tries to cover herself. "AHHHHHHH!!! Get out of here you peeping-toms!!"

An enormous sweat drop appears on both Reno and Rude.

"Uh.. oh! S.. sorry Elena.. I.. I didn’t know.. heh he." Reno stuttered.

Elena throws her shoes at Reno and Rude. "Quite starring and leave, you perverts!!!"

Reno closes the door and blushes. "Uhhh…..? That was Elena."

Suddenly Tseng runs up to Reno and Rude with a concerned look on his face. "What’s wrong? I heard Elena screaming."

"Uhhh.. heh.. well.. um… uh.. nothing, Sir. We were just.. uh, talking.. umm.. ya.." Reno stammered.

Rude zooms into Reno’s eyeball. "The eyes of a liar." Rude said sternly.

Suddenly Elena’s door swings open and Elena storms out .. fully clothed now… and slaps Reno with a force that sends him flying across the room.

"What happened!?" Tseng asked Elena.

Elena’s eyes filled with tears.

"Tseng-San! It was horrible! Reno saw me naked and Rude was filming it!! Waaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" Elena rushes to Tseng’s arms and he embraces her. Tseng looks up angrily at Rude who is still filming.

A sweat drop appears on his bald head. Reno then stumbles over to Rude rubbing the side of his face where a giant red imprint of a hand is. Suddenly the elevator door opens and Rufus storms out. He marches over to the Turks.

Rufus does his trademark of flipping the hair from his eyes "Reno! Rude! What in hell do you think your doing!!!?" Rufus demanded, he then looked really weirdly at Elena. Elena burrowed her face in Tseng’s shoulder. Rufus continued. "I have never seen a more sorry group of people in my life!! This isn’t a tour it’s… it’s a freak show!!"

"M.. M, Mister President!? I ..I can explain!" Reno whined.

"Don’t you dare start explaining!! I saw the whole thing you pathetic sap! Reno, this is the last t—"

Suddenly Sephiroth materializes next to Reno. "Hi."

"--? Oh, hi Sephiroth! ..Um anyway.. as I was saying Reno.. this is the last.. ----!!?" Rufus pauses. "Sephiroth!? What are you doing here! Ahk!" Rufus hides behind Rude. "Don’t kill me like my father. I mean If you absolutely have to, at least make it fast. I’d prefer not to be fried.. well if you do don’t touch the hair… and if you stab me I’d like it to be fast.. because I don’t want to cough up blood all over my new white suit. Oh and if you use ice I—"

"Shut up!" Sephiroth interrupted. "No.. I came here to ask a favor. I wanted to know if you guys have any of those yummy chocolate donuts? But first.. turn off that camera."

Suddenly Sephiroth raises his Masamune and slashes… and all is static. Cloud, Tifa, and Cid all stare blankly at the screen. Cid bursts into laughter.

"Ha ha! Those Shin-Ra’s are losers!"

"I heard that!" Cait Sith yelled from up stairs.

"Ya.. and that Elena is pretty hot." Cloud blushed.

"What!!!?" Tifa said hitting Cloud on the head.

The End… um.. sorta (crappy ending.. huh!? ^^;;;)